


The Wanderers

by TheUmbraphage



Series: Entropy and Conquest [2]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age II, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Amnesiac Elvhen Gods, Asshole Elvhen Archer Mage Person, Battlemages are a thing, Crack Treated Seriously, Crippled Inquisitor, Dalish Mage - Freeform, Dysfunctional Party, F/F, F/M, Irony, Irony everywhere, Kleptomaniac Elf, M/M, Multi, Qunari Bard, Satire, Serious DA4 Speculation, Tevene Mages, Tevinter Imperium, crazy shit, if you really squint, pushes the boundaries of lore, reminiscent of Dungeons and Dragons, tragic past
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-27
Updated: 2017-12-07
Packaged: 2019-02-07 16:06:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12844698
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheUmbraphage/pseuds/TheUmbraphage
Summary: Altus Zephyr Zopik sets out on his journey to one day abolish slavery in Tevinter, only to be forced to deal with his utterly insane party members. Saliris Aefiel, First of his clan and marked by his overinflated ego, is more than happy to take lead of the party.





	1. Saliris: The Botched Quest

**Author's Note:**

> This crack fic will only spiral down into pure chaos. Each character belongs to one of my friends (Saliris and Zephyr are mine), so please enjoy this insanity.

The young stag lightly strode through the trees, pawing through fallen leaves to reach the grass below. Sunlight dappled on its coat, more sunlight than the summer before casting rays through the leaves. As it chewed on clumps of grass, its muscles relaxed and its ears no longer were perked for unexpected sounds.

Several trees away, there was imperceptible movement as a slender arm nocked an arrow and pulled the string of a simple bow in confidence. A small elf, no more than 12 years of year, was hidden away in the shadows behind the decaying leaves as he perched on the thick, low hanging branch. He bit his lip nervously, golden eyes losing confidence.

He closed his eyes and focused on calming his nerves. He breathed in slowly and let out the air slowly before opening his eyes again, focused and sharp. He carefully aimed and prepared to let go of the string.

“Saliris!”

The stag, startled, leapt away and disappeared through the trees. The arrow flew and hit the trunk of the tree behind its original position.

“Damn it!” Saliris hissed in frustration. He turned his head to glare at the dark skinned elvhen girl his age sprinting toward him, wild curly black hair flying behind her. “Athera, I almost got that deer!”

Athera waved away his irritation, rolling her eyes. “The deer doesn’t matter so much as your father having your neck.”

“ _What_?” Saliris leapt down from the branch while frowning, landing lightly on his feet as he swung the bow over his shoulder. As he landed, some of his neck length brown hair came out of his ponytail.

“The Keeper knows where you’ve been going every week.” Athera lowered her voice, crystal blue eyes concerned.

Saliris groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “He’s going to _kill_ me.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll cry at your funeral.”

“Hey!”

\--

The demon’s deafening scream was short-lived as the arrow embedded in its skull burst into a flash of light that blinded the entire area. As the light faded away, the other elves in the search party blinked in surprise at the fire raining down and the five very dead demons.

Another roar shook the ground, shaking them out of their stupor. More demons.

“ _Fenedhis._ ” The archer and mage of their group cursed, eyes narrowing as he wiped away from blood that dripped from his cheek where a demon got him with its spiked tail earlier. He shouted, “We need to flee! There’s just too many!”

“But what about the root? We need to get to it before any more of our clan dies!” The woman nearest to him yelled back, her black curly hair flying everywhere and blue eyes frenzied. Her grip on her blood covered sword tightened.

“Athera, we can’t complete our mission if we’re all dead! We’ll have to wait until daybreak!”

Athera scowled, running to her horse with the others. “Fine. If anything goes wrong, I’m blaming you.”

“Nothing will go wrong. Now, get on it!”

As his party began to flee, Saliris fired off a few more arrows to drive the demons back before mounting his black steed, barking a short “Hah!” for the horse to start following his party, already far ahead, at a gallop.

Unexpectedly, as he began to flee, the horse reared back with a fearful cry on its hindlegs, sending the archer sprawling onto the ground. Sharp pain exploded at the back of his head and his ears began to ring. The horse fled from the scene, away from the demon that startled it.

Saliris groaned, his vision darkening as he lay in a bush. Warm wetness could be felt through his long hair. Fear seized his heart as he realized the tall demon slowly walked toward him with a snarl, but he could not move. His limbs were too heavy to move. Was this the moment he will finally die?

He breathed, resigning himself to his fate as he prepared for the demon to strike him down.

The snarling quieted, and beady black eyes bore into him, expression unreadable. Suddenly, the demon turned and prowled away.

Saliris could only stare up at the night sky through the trees in surprise, his vision finally fading as he plunged into darkness.

\--

He was awoken by the loud chirping of birds that only exacerbated the pulsating pain at the back of his head. He groaned, eyes groggily opening to the bright morning light that shone through the trees.

Saliris slowly sat up with a grimace, gingerly touching the wound. His hair felt matted with dried blood. At least it wasn’t bleeding anymore. The elf checked that he had all his equipment, frowning when he saw that he only had ten arrows left in his quiver. The rest of the arrows he had packed was still in his large leather satchel, which was nowhere to be seen considering he had last tied it to his missing horse the day before.

“Fuck.” He muttered, pushing himself to his feet. He swayed, and immediately grabbed onto the tree beside him to balance himself. There was absolutely no way he could find the nearest road swaying about like this.

The elf searched the ground for something that could act as a walking stick, and let out a sigh of relief when he found a fallen branch tall enough to lean on. He bent down and took it in his hand. He stared up at the sky, trying to discern the sun’s position. After a moment, he looked to what he presumed to be northeast, where the last road he seen was, and began his long trek through the woods

The sun slowly rose and the day grew warmer to a typical summer high noon. The trees had begun to this a bit, indicating he was headed in the right direction.

Despite this growing hope to find civilization and perhaps a horse, Saliris felt no better. His breathing felt labored, his chest burned, and his legs began to tire. Worse yet, the pouch of water he refilled the evening before was missing.

He was parched, sweating, and sore all over. He’d need to rest and find a clear stream at this point if he were to survive, but he didn’t wish to drag on his journey.

Saliris paused, leaning heavily on the walking stick to catch his breath. He wetted his chapped lips, feeling much more exhausted than before. He didn’t think he could walk much longer, or even stay conscious with the pounding ache in his head. After a long moment, he straightened and looked ahead to see how far he was in his trek, and immediately relief flooded his sense. The road was up ahead. He started to run, feeling safety within his reach.

He tripped over a protruding tree root and landed on his face. He lifted his face, covered in smudges of grime and blood, to see the road only a few feet ahead. He breathed heavily and laid his head down to rest, eyes fluttering close.

As he let the darkness take him, he silently prayed to Mythal that a friend would find him.


	2. The Crew of Misfits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saliris meets his saviors.

“Saliris.”

The boy refrained from flinching at the harsh tone of his father’s voice. The tall Keeper towered over his tiny form, worn face and golden-orange eyes stern.

“Why were you carrying this?” The Keeper, Eliel, questioned, Saliris’s bow and arrow grasped in his hand.

Saliris averted his eyes to stare at the ground. “I was practicing archery.”

“Even though you are a mage?”

“Father, I never wanted to be a mage!” Saliris looked up to meet Eliel’s eyes, frustrated and hurt.

“Yet you were born one. As the second mage born in clan Aefiel, you are the First and therefore you must practice honing in your ability.”

“But-”

“No exceptions, Saliris. You will end your archery practice at once and continue with my lessons. Each lesson will now last six hours and we will begin exploring the Fade. Is that clear?”

“Fa-”

“Is- That- _Clear?_ ” The elder enunciated sharply.

Saliris deflated in fear at the 42 year old brunet that glowered at him. He bowed his head, blinking back tears. “Yes, father.”

\--

The next time he woke, his eyes flew open with a gasp. The sky was darkened in twilight and stars had begun to shine in the sky. Saliris reached up his hand, fingertips touching a fabric wrapped around his head. Bandages. He blinked, confused and worried, as he realized that he lay on a bed roll with rough furs beneath his head.

To his right, a makeshift fire pit crackled and the soft sound of a lute reached his ears. He slowly turned his head toward the sound, wondering who his saviors were. He stared, somewhat confused, at his unlikely saviors.

A tall qunari woman with a pretty face and dressed in a midriff baring linen shirt, leather pants, and light armor sat on a log while strumming a lute to an upbeat tune, humming in content. Silver-white hair cascaded over her shoulder in a long braid. To her left was a human mage- Tevene, if Saliris had to guess, based on his light caramel skin and strong yet not rough facial features- with an expression of exhaustion and irritation. Beside him was a tall, dark-skinned elf, most likely from the city for he had no vallaslin, with a head of tight black curls who listened to the bard in sparkly-eyed fascination.

Saliris looked to the bard’s right and found three others seated a bit further away: A fellow Dalish woman with platinum blonde locks pinned back in a messy bun who carefully leafed through a leather tome in her hands, a pale human bespectacled brunette shorter than the Dalish woman who had a sour expression, and yet another elvhen boy with bright ginger hair who appeared no more than twelve based on his tiny stature and angelic, freckled face.

Seeing his people making up the majority of this party, he hoped his saviors would remain kind. The archer sat up, wincing slightly when he felt his head spin. Well, his head did feel better than before.

The strumming stopped and everyone looked to him. The Tevene greeted, expression friendly, “You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Dizzy, but better.” Saliris replied with a sheepish smile. “I owe you for saving my life.”

“Well, I’m glad you’re feeling better. The name’s Zephyr Zopik. I’m an Altus.”

“Pleasure. Saliris, First of clan Aefiel.”

“First?” The blonde Dalish questioned abruptly, eyes surprised. “We thought you were just an archer. Manrea, Second of clan Ariwen, but you can call me Peggy like these guys do. Aneth ara.”

Saliris smiled and nodded to her. “Aneth ara. I am a mage, but I am much more well-versed in the art of the bow and arrow than the stave.”

Manrea only looked more startled by the fact. “I have never heard of such a practice by mages. Perhaps we can share information?”

“Of course. I’d love to.”

“Ooh, yay, introductions!” The ginger elf bounced over, staring at Saliris with bright hazel eyes as he slightly invaded the older elf’s space. “I’m Zevris Lavellan, great to meet you, Saliris!”

“Nice to meet you.” Saliris leaned back slightly to regain some of his personal space. He blinked questionably at the elf, wondering at his clan name- Saliris remembered that clan Aefiel and clan Lavellan would trade frequently and the Inquisitor himself was from clan Lavellan- and the lack of vallaslin. The child might not have gotten his vallaslin yet. “So, Lavellan as in clan Lavellan?”

Zevris deflated slightly. “Well, sort of. My parents were from clan Lavellan but they left to travel a bit. They’re gone anyways, so I’ve never been back to my clan.”

Saliris frowned, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Well, the past is the past! It don’t matter much now.”

“Anyways,” Zephyr sighed, gesturing to the other three who had yet to introduce themselves, “That is Yzze Meili, who’s training under my tutelage to become a full fledged mage.”

Yzze weakly smiled at Saliris through her thick glasses, but still looked like she had a barbed stick twelve inches deep in the other hole. Saliris didn’t know what to think of her.

“Turena Vaakne, a… Bard, apparently.” Zephyr gestured to the qunari, grimacing as he did so.

“Hey, it’s _horny_ bard.” Turena corrected, smirk on her thick lips.

“I swear to the Maker, if I hear another pun out of you-”

“I will make you horny tonight too, honey pie.” Her smirk grew wider and she winked her violet eyes suggestively at the mage. Zephyr’s face glowed crimson.

“ _Augh!_ Stop that!”

“What, you don’t like some… _Horn_ play?”

Zephyr, no longer dignifying her teasing with a response, moved on. “And that is-”

“Gerald. The name’s Gerald.” The chocolate-skinned elf strode over and with a warm smile, extended a hand. Saliris shook it, taking note that Gerald was most definitely unusually tall for an elf.

“Unfortunately, we don’t know much about Gerald.” Zephyr added.

“Actually, I don’t know much about myself, really. I just remember waking up a month ago in some alley way, but nothing before that.” Gerald said, cheeks warming slightly in embarrassment. He averted his yellow eyes.

“Thus far, he is our wildcard.” Manrea mused, sliding her tome into a leather bag.

“Wildcard?” Saliris inquired, eyes curious.

Yzze replied, her voice shrill and her button nose upturned, “Gerald doesn’t know how to control his abilities, nor any weapon for that matter.”

Manrea looked sharply to the Tevene, almost warning her to not start again. Yzze simply glowered at the blonde with her darkened brown eyes. Meanwhile, the others in the group shifted uncomfortably.

Gerald, however, remained unaffected and appeared clueless about the intended meaning behind Yzze’s words. He laughed a deep, but light chuckle. “Well, I’m sure I’ll figure it out soon enough. I’m already getting better at using a dagger.”

Yzze stared incredulously at the elf. “You turned those bandits into _stone!_ In the bat of an eye!”

“At least he didn’t turn _us_ into stone.” Zephyr pointed out, his tone clipped. Yzze's mouth clicked shut, rouge lips pursed in fuming agitation.

“So, I take it you’re a battle party?” The archer shifted the topic flawlessly in an effort to dissolve the tension.

“Why, yes.” Zephyr inclined his head, warm brown eyes brightening slightly at the shift. “We formed this party because of my idea, actually. I was travelling out of Tevinter when I met Gerald, then our party just continued growing from there.”

“Why were you leaving Tevinter, if I may ask?”

“It may sound silly, but I have an aspiration to reform the Imperium. It seems to be that the Imperium is continuing to grow more and more corrupted as we speak, so I made it my goal and mission to yank on the leash of corruption by abolishing slavery.”

Saliris stared at Zephyr, eyes bright with intrigue. “Really? I would want to join your party then and help wherever I can.”

Zephyr’s lips almost twitched into a smile, but the Tevene held back. Saliris briefly wondered if he ever smiled. “That would be much appreciated.”

Manrea interjected, “Aren’t you the First of your clan, Saliris? Wouldn’t they miss you?”

Saliris nonchalantly waved her concerns away with his hand. “Ah, I won’t be missed. In fact, the Keeper won’t mind at all. We’ve got another mage back at home to help defend the camp. Don’t worry about it, Peggy.”

“If you say so…” Manrea replied, albeit hesitantly.

Saliris failed to mention that the third mage of their clan was only fifteen and still an explosive trainee under his father. They didn’t need to know.

“Just how do you plan on accomplishing this?” Saliris questioned Zephyr.

The Tevene replied, “Well, it’ll take a few years, but I’m hoping to take care of as many problems Ferelden and Orlais face to gain the governments’ favor. Once I have their support, I can reenter Tevinter and join the Magisterium. It’ll take quite a bit of effort, but I am confident in my ability.”

“I suppose that could work.” Saliris nodded in thought. His thought process abruptly stopped as he glanced at Zevris, who was occupying himself with some magical artifact he wasn’t holding before. Manrea, seeing Zevris, immediately chastised him in the background after realizing said artifact was missing from her bag. The archer asked, his voice incredulous, “Why then do you have a child with you? Isn’t that dangerous?”

Silence fell upon the party and only the crackling of the fire was to be heard. Everyone looked at each other in puzzlement as they tried to figure out who the archer was referring to.

“You mean Yzze? She’s seventeen, so I think we ought to be alright.” Gerald pointed out, eyebrows furrowed quizzically. The girl huffed at the mention of her age, irritated at the topic of her being the youngest being brought up again.

Zephyr and Manrea shared a knowing glance, realizing who Saliris was referring to. Zephyr sighed and nodded for Manrea to explain.

Manrea said gently, “Zevris is twenty.”

“Oh, he meant me?” Zevris blinked innocently at Manrea. He looked to Saliris and laughed awkwardly. “Yeah, I’m twenty. It’s no big deal though.”

Saliris stared at the tiny youth- Or rather, adult- slack-jawed and gobsmacked. He immediately flushed scarlet, “Oh, good Elgar’nan, I’m so sorry; I had no idea.”

“It’s not a problem! I just have a _really_ cute face, apparently!” 

Saliris strongly believed that was a huge understatement, but what else was he to say? He nodded slowly, “Right…”

“So! What you do for fun?” Zevris asked suddenly, eyes wide and curious.

Saliris, surprised at the shift, replied, “Well, since I’m the First, I haven’t done anything fun recently.”

“Come on! You should do more fun things! I like playing with shiny things” Zevris said, his fingers deftly twirling an arrow that seemed to pop into existence in his hands.

The archer stared at the arrow, eyes slowly sliding over to his quiver lying beside him. When did he-? Saliris shook his head slightly. “Shiny things, hm? Well, I like to create shiny things.” He pointed to his bow made of shined black acacia, the surface carved ornately with a dragon scale design on either end glimmering in the fire. “I carved this one a few years ago.”

Zevris, realizing he just took the arrow from Saliris’s quiver, quickly apologized with wide, round eyes, “Oh, this is yours! Sorry, you can have this back.” Zevris handed the arrow to Saliris, head first, not knowing any better. 

Saliris carefully took his arrow back, grasping it below the sharp edge. “Thanks.”

Zephyr explained with a sigh of exasperation, “A lot of things disappear with Zevris around, so just be a bit more careful.”

Saliris raised an eyebrow at Zephyr, taking note. “Good to know.”

“Where’s my tome?” Manrea muttered to herself, the leather book mysteriously gone from her bag. “I just blinked and I missed it!”

The thief smiled sheepishly and pulled out her heavy tome from behind his back. “Sorry, Peggy.”

“Zevris, you ought to be more careful! That tome has all of my and my Keeper’s notes! If I lose it permanently, I would be losing years of research!”

The bard interjected, “Aw, Peggy-boo, what’s a few years of research when you can feel the _magic_ in the air during a night with me?”

“ _Damn it, Turena!_ ”

Saliris chuckled softly. His journeys ahead were certainly something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Turena is so much fun to write; I'm so glad that my friend lent me her. I hope you enjoy! Also, feel free to leave thoughts in the comments section or chat with me @umbraphage on Tumblr.


End file.
